


Secret

by Shareece (kimbob)



Series: Winter Is Here Series [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, At the Wall, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Love Confessions, Mild Smut, Romance, Sentimental, winter is here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 04:29:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2799611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimbob/pseuds/Shareece
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She is very real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret

Jaime stirred awake as he felt warmth lift from his chest. He moved onto his elbows with a frown as he watched Brienne gather her smallclothes, quietly sliding into them. “Going somewhere my lady?” He watched as she jumped, glancing up at him with a guilty expression. The tunic she held twisted in her hands nervously as she breathed his name. 

They stared at one another for what seemed like a lifetime. Jaime let his eyes slide up and down her body, licking his lips as he felt the delicious stirring of desire for her curl low in his belly. His thoughts must have shown on his face because he watched as Brienne blushed a healthy shade of red. “Wench,” he started softly, “Even after all we’ve done last night you still blush.” He grinned as she reddened even further. “Speaking of which, why are you dressing?” 

“I should go back to my own quarters.” She said as she slid her tunic on. “To prepare for the day.” 

His frown deepened. “Your quarters?” He repeated softly. “Why don’t you just move in here with me then?”

Brienne’s head shot up at the suggestion, a deep frown on her face. “I’d rather not. People will talk—it isn’t….appropriate.” 

Jaime chuckled as he sat up. “Based on last night I’d like to know how one defines appropriate.” He angrily wrenched the furs that covered him off to the side and stood up, striding toward her naked as the day he was birthed. She backed away from him. “Tell me wench, what is appropriate? “ His arms trapped her against the door as he continued to speak softly. “Is it the way you moaned my name as I gave you the lord’s kiss?” If he hadn’t felt sudden anger rising in his gut, he would’ve been adored from way she turned the Lannister red. “Or is it the way you scored your nails down my back as I was inside you? No wait, perhaps it was the way you rode my cock while I-“ He was cut off by her hand over his mouth. 

Brienne glared at him, clearly scandalized as her beautiful blue eyes blazing angrily. “Stop it!” She hissed. 

Jaime’s tongue made a swipe for her hand and she quickly removed it with a gasp. “I apologize my lady.” He said stiffly. He backed away from her, turning his back to her as he spoke. “Go then.” He said crossly. “Go run away.” He wasn’t surprised when she didn’t respond. He moved toward the bed, listening to the quiet rustle of clothes as she quickly dressed. 

“Jaime-“ Brienne started and he tensed as he waited for the blow of words that would come. “I’ll see you for breakfast.” 

“Brienne.” He called before she could leave. “I’ll not be another secret. I’ll not carry another. I did it once before and I’ll not do it again.” 

The door closed quietly and he couldn’t move. He has run full circle it seems. Jaime had long ago realized his feelings for Brienne. She was his best friend. His only friend; had been for so long. They had been through so much together. She saw him when he was at his lowest; at his most broken. She had put him back together; made someone new. They fought at each other’s sides. She fights at his back and he at hers. He trusts her with his life. 

But what of Cersei? His mind whispered traitorously. Jaime didn’t fight the odd shiver he felt run down his spine as he thought of his sister. Yes, he still loved Cersei and he was sure she loved him in her own twisted ways, but she loved her ambitions more. The truth was he wanted to be the man Brienne believed him to be more than he ever wanted Cersei. It was a revelation that had frightened him at first. He had rallied against it, but the night he had found out he’d nearly lost Brienne to Lady Stoneheart had helped him accept the fact that he needed her. He vowed that night never to leave her side; had taken on the Brotherhood without Banners for her. Seven Hells, he followed her all the way to this blasted wall to fight beside her. His brother was right when he said he never did anything by halves. 

888

Brienne closed the door to her room and leaned against it, letting out a whimper as tears gathered in her eyes. She knew she should be happy. She should be rejoicing as she had wanted Jaime for so long, but now that she’s had him she can’t help but feel a sudden dread. Dread because she knew this would not last. Jaime’s words washed over her again and she felt her heart constrict painfully. 

Why would he say such words to her? Why should it matter if others knew or not? 

She had watched Jaime for hours before she had made the decision to part from him. Her mind had slowly relived the way he had touched her; kissed her. He had looked beautiful in sleep just as he did when awake. She had been shocked to believe that he wanted her. Brienne was no fool. This would not last. This would not stand. As soon as this war was over, Jaime would return to Kings Landing as Lord Commander of the King’s Guard and she would not return with him. She had no real place in his life. The truth of it nearly stopped her from breathing; made her want to bury it away, especially when she closed her eyes and thought back to the pleasure she felt the previous night and thought of the things Jaime had whispered in her ear; impossible things. 

Brienne lived in realities and truths. It was the only way she could survive this wretched world. She let a few more tears fall before she angrily wiped them away and took a deep breath. She accepted the truth; her reality, and she would live with it. There was no time to cry like a woman. There was a war to fight. 

88

Jaime tried to be inconspicuous of the fact that he kept glancing at the entrance of the common hall every so often. He felt like a fucking fair maiden waiting for her first glimpse of her betrothed. The entrance door swung open again and his eyes slid toward it, letting out the breath he’d been holding when it was not Brienne who walked through the door. Where was his wench? She was never late to breakfast; was usually here before him. He glanced to the left of him, frowning as he noticed how long the food line was getting. If the wench kept any longer there would hardly be anything left for her to eat. He shoved some oatmeal into his mouth, barely tasting it. At least he’d been able to wheedle extra honey out of the cook. Brienne enjoys her honey and he’d hoped his gesture would take the sting out of his harsh words from earlier.

He glanced at the door again, so focused was he on catching first glimpse of Brienne, he failed to notice the young hedge knight sit across from him. 

“Ser Jaime Lannister,” he said with a grin. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” 

Jaime, still watching the door merely grunted in response. 

The hedge knight continued as if he wasn’t being ignored. “I’m Ser Swerin. I remember the first time I saw you at the The Hand’s tourney. You put up quite the fight.” 

Jaime merely grunted again, sitting up straighter when the door swung open and his heart nearly stopped as his wench stepped through the door. He fought the ridiculous urge to stand and greet her. The furs she was wearing nearly swallowed her whole which was odd considering her size. He watched as her eyes slid over the hall, stopping to rest on him. He gave her a small hesitant smile and he watched in satisfaction as her expression softened. His smile widened. 

“By the gods,” Swerin said. “I thought most of what I’d heard about her was an exaggeration.” 

Jaime tensed as the statement touched his ears. “She is very real.” He replied carefully, his eyes narrowing when Swerin began to laugh. 

“She is a beast!”

Jaime’s hand was around the hedge knight’s throat before the young idiot could catch his next breath. Swerin’s fingers crawled at his wrist, but Jaime only tightened his hold. “You must be new.” He said carefully. “You will show Lady Brienne some respect.” He watched for a few moments as the young man struggled in his grip. He glanced up as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Brienne stood next to him, her expression worried. 

“Jaime?” She urged glancing around nervously.

Jaime’s gaze followed her own and it was then that he noticed everyone watching. He cared not. He glanced down at Swerin as he began to wheeze. “You will apologize.” He repeated, blind fury making him tremble. 

“Jaime, please.” Brienne urged grasping his shoulder. 

He ignored her, slamming Swerin’s head down onto the table as he released his neck. “Apologize!” He demanded, watching as Swerin gasped to catch his breath. 

“Sorry!” He wheezed. “I apologize, my lady.” 

Satisfied, Jaime released him, watching as Swerin scrambled away from the table and out the door. Jaime nodded to Brienne, ignoring her disapproving expression. The chatter in the hall began again as everyone went back to their business. Jaime sat down first, gesturing sweetly to the spot beside him. Brienne rolled her eyes and sat beside him slowly, placing her bowl of oatmeal in front of her with a heavy sigh. 

Jaime, still smiling grabbed his own bowl of his now cold oatmeal, watching as Brienne slid her furs off and placed them in the chair beside her. He knew she was upset with him, but he couldn’t care less at the moment. No one will ever insult her in his presence without paying a heavy price. That fuck was lucky he’d stopped wearing his golden hand long ago. “What took you so long?” He asked idly. 

She ignored his question. “You can’t beat up every man that insults me Jaime.” 

“I can and I will.” He replied simply. He slid the extra honey he obtained for her. “Here.” He said softly. 

Brienne’s expression immediately softened as she picked up the honey and poured it into her bowl. “Thank you.” She said quietly. 

Jaime smiled utterly satisfied that he put that expression on her face. “You’re welcome.” 

The two ate in silence for a few long moments and Jaime struggled with trying bring up earlier this morning. Jaime was confused by this as he was usually not at lost for words. Well, most times they were jests, sarcasm, and japes. No. What he needed to say to Brienne was serious and true. Gods, what was wrong with him?

He cleared his throat. “Brienne-” he started, but stopped. He swallowed the sudden fear he felt. “Brienne--” He nearly growled in frustration when the right words were once against lost to him. 

Brienne showed him mercy. “If this is about earlier, just forget it.”

“Forget it?” Jaime repeated with a frown. “Brienne, I was trying to apologize. What I said to you earlier was terrible.” 

Brienne looked away from him, suddenly interested in the table top. “It matters not.” She said quietly. 

“It matters.” Jaime said fiercely. “It matters.” He repeated. He glared at her. “How can you say such things?” He watched her carefully, trying to discern her thoughts. “Brienne?” he said quietly. “I care for you deeply.” 

Brienne trembled as she tried to keep control of the emotions she felt bubbling up. “And I you Jaime.” 

Jaime’s hand clenched in frustration. “Then why?”

“Because it isn’t real!” She yelled loudly. She quickly stood and turned away from him, making haste toward the entrance so she could leave. 

Jaime sat stunned for a moment before he quickly followed her, grabbing her furs before he hurried to the entrance, nearly tripping over his feet in his haste to catch up with the wench. “Brienne!” He called in frustration. He knew he looked like a fool, but he was known for his foolishness when it came to love. He finally caught up to her despite her long quick strides and grasped her shoulder. “Do not run away from me.” He demanded when she turned to face him, her eyes sad. He tossed her the furs. “You’ll catch your death walking around here without your furs Brienne.”

Brienne caught her furs and slid them on. “Thank you.” She said stiffly and Jaime rolled his eyes with a frustrated growl.

“Even in the middle of a fight Wench you have your manners.” He sighed heavily the longer he stared at her. She was vulnerable he noticed, the sadness in her eyes making his heart ache. “Brienne,” He said carefully. “I’ll not let you get away from this conversation so easily.” He watched as she swallowed hard. “What did you mean by it not being real?” 

Silence was her only answer and Jaime sighed heavily. “Please tell me?”

She looked surprised by his pleas and she could be, he was rarely one to use such words. She sighed heavily before speaking softly. “If we win this war-“ 

“We will.” He fiercely cut in. 

“When we win this war.” Brienne corrected. “You are the Lord Commander of the King’s guard. When this is over you’ll return back to King’s Landing and-“ 

Jaime’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve not worn my cloak for quite some time wench.” 

Brienne shook her head as if he didn’t understand. “You’ll go back.” She said quietly. “You’ll return to your life and I to mine. Your duty-“ 

“My duty?” Jaime cut in with a laugh. “Brienne, I abandoned my duty to come to this wall. Have you any clue why?”

Brienne opened her mouth to reply, but quickly closed it when she had no answer. She stood rooted to the spot as Jaime eyed her, the frustration clearly written in his green eyes. She looked away from him with a deep sigh. 

“Wench,” He started softly, stepping in closer; so close his chest nearly brushed against her own. “Brienne, I am here because of you. Do you not remember what it is I said to you last night?” His eyes burned into her own; silently urging her to remember. 

Brienne did remember. She remembered every single moment from the night before. 

Mine. He had fiercely whispered into her ear as he was inside her. You are mine. 

The words had embarrassingly brought tears to her eyes and even now standing in the middle of the training yard the memory of such words nearly forced her to cry. The words had touched something deep inside Brienne, bringing out hopes that she knew were useless. She looked away from him, suddenly embarrassed. She started with surprise when Jaime suddenly placed his hand on her ruined cheek. “Jaime--” Her next words were cut off by his sudden declaration. 

“I, Ser Jaime Lannister renounce my title as Lord Commander of the King’s Guard for I am irrevocably in love with Lady Brienne of Tarth!” 

“Nobody gives a fuck!” One of the Rangers yelled and Brienne glared as the others around them began to laugh. 

She turned as Jaime placed his hand in one of her own, her face heating in embarrassment. “You cannot simply renounce-” 

“I just have wench.” He cut in with amused affection. He spread his arms. “Look around you Brienne. The world is falling apart. The fucking Kingsguard doesn’t matter anymore. Look at me.” He breathed deeply, his next words said very carefully and seriously. “I’ll gladly give up everything if it meant living out the rest of my days beside you. I want you to be my wife.” He trailed off before swallowing deeply. “If you’ll have me.” 

Brienne’s heart pounded in her chest as she searched Jaime’s eyes for the jest in his words. Jaime was not a man who said such things and didn’t mean them. Still, old habits and all of that. 

Jaime’s hopeful smile began to fade the longer it took Brienne to respond. “Wench?” He said softly. “My sudden bravery is waning with your silence.” 

“Yes.” Brienne blurted. “I’d like those things as well.” 

Jaime’s smile returned as he stepped impossibly closer. “Can we agree to this with a kiss?” 

Brienne rolled her eyes as she turned to make her way back toward her breakfast, already feeling embarrassed enough. “You’re incorrigible.” She answered, but Jaime caught up with her, wrapping his hand around her own.


End file.
